


Mother Lioness

by yuletide_archivist



Category: Tortall - Tamora Pierce
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-12-19
Updated: 2006-12-19
Packaged: 2018-01-25 03:04:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1628237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuletide_archivist/pseuds/yuletide_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alanna has always thought that her future and role in life were obvious and set in stone.  But she has been told many times that life has a tendency to turn in unexpected ways, and she soon realises that she has more than one role to play in adulthood.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mother Lioness

**Author's Note:**

> This was my first time writing any Tamora Pierce fanfiction, and it was so much fun. Much, much thanks to my beta, Brigdh, for going over this and convincing me that it wasn't terrible. I really hope you enjoy this, kaydeefalls and anyone else who chooses to read it.
> 
> Written for kaydeefalls

 

 

She supposes that she should have guessed it would be like this.

If she is being honest with herself - and she probably should be, since it is her own mind and thoughts she is dealing with - she was told that she would eventually fall in love and marry, and do all of the grown-up things that a girl should do when she becomes a woman. And, indeed, she did... of a sort.

As Coram tells her, during one of the last visits she makes to him before she marries, she certainly took the expected path in a rather _roundabout_ fashion.

He tells her then that she is still practically the little tomboy brat he had helped raise, hugging her roughly and looking away so she won't see his eyes fill with tears. She dutifully pretends not to notice, studying the opposite wall as if it holds the most fascinating secrets in the world.

Still, she cannot tell him that, instead of feeling happy or in any way satisfied about her impending marriage, she is actually beginning to feel almost panicked about it, the uneasy churning in her stomach growing as each day passes.

It isn't that she doesn't love George, for she knows she does; her sudden hesitation comes more from an abrupt self-examination: all her life, she had thought her path to be as unyielding and as certain as stone. Now, this event in particular is the first step in flinging away her life's dream in exchange for another, and she is suddenly unsure as to whether or not she can actually go through with it.

Jonathan, however, realises this the moment he claps eyes on her. His eyes soften for a moment, in that look of mutual understanding that she had thought they lost years before, and he coaxes her into a chair and tries to get her to take a glass of wine before she insists on fruit juice.

"Alanna," he says, vague condescension trickling into his voice, probably without him even realising it (and this, she suddenly remembers, is why they never would have made a good match), "of course you can do this."

But then, she has always forgotten that in everything except the matters of the heart, he has always had the utmost faith in her. This makes her feel a little braver as she squares her shoulders and looks him straight in the eye.

"I love him," she says, and Jonathan raises an eyebrow.

"I hope you do," he replies, "for he would be most disappointed, and not a little angry, if you decided you weren't after all this." He laughs as she scowls and hits him.

"Just because you finally met the woman of your dreams and want to lord it over everyone," Alanna retorts, mock-glaring at him. "Which would not have happened without the help of _yours truly_ , I might add."

She regrets her words the moment they leave her lips; his eyes flicker, his expression faltering for the briefest moment. She remembers, then, what he had told her when she had discovered his attempt at drawing Thayet, that he would have chosen her, if she had allowed him, and that he would always love her.

She knows that she will always love him. But there is also no denying the fact that their marriage would have been a disaster, and that she possibly would have led Tortall to utter ruin.

They do not talk about Tortall's growing political instability, or how the crops have failed from Jonathan's use of the Dominion Jewel, or the increasing reality that Tortall's new monarchs will have to beggar her to get the means to feed her people in the coming winter. They have already spoken about this many times, to the point where they no longer wish to think about it if possible, and Jonathan seems determined to remain cheerful concerning her new future.

"It will be fine," he says, and smiles at her. As she looks at him, she wonders if it's really all that bad to believe him.

* * *

It is a small wedding, with only those closest and dearest to them invited, mostly due to Alanna's growing irritation with those outside of her own circle. She had known that becoming Jonathan's Champion would result in controversy, but keeping her temper with the whispers and rumours following her wherever she went was becoming more of a trial than she could bear. It had been a relief when Jonathan, possibly guessing this and being warned by Gary at the same time, had sent her back to Pirate's Swoop a month before the wedding.

It's calmer there, but only slightly, and she saves the last of her sanity by hiding for most of the time, and going to wherever is being currently hit by bandits or pirates. She would have visited the Bazhir if not for the fact that she wouldn't return in time for her own wedding, and also for the fact that George's face fell for a moment when she had brought up the idea.

It suddenly occurs to her that he will be waiting for her whenever she returns home, and the thought makes her freeze and stare blankly at the wall for a very long time. More than once, she wishes that Thom and Faithful were still alive: they always seemed to know what to say and do to make everything right, or at least they knew how to get her over her irrational fears.

Eleni and Myles arrive a handful of days prior and Myles, upon taking one look at her, suggests that they go for a quick ride so she can show him Pirate's Swoop's surrounding area. "And so an old man like me can gain more exercise than he greatly desires," he adds with a wink and she accepts, even though he must surely be exhausted from the days of riding they have already had.

They take two men-at-arms with them, more for Myles' protection than her own - Alanna has proven to everyone, even those that serve her, that she is more than capable of taking care of herself - and neither speaks for some time. Myles does not rush her to talk, but when she does he is more than ready to listen and she wishes, not for the first time, that he had always been her father and not just her adoptive one.

"Sometimes the thought of him just... always being _there_ terrifies me more than it should," she mutters, and then looks up when Myles starts to laugh.

"You're not the first one to think that," he tells her, but in such a way that prevents her hackles from rising. "How do you think I felt, an old bachelor set in his ways romancing a woman very much used to doing things her own way? But we are lucky, Alanna, for we arrive home to people we will always be glad to see."

This makes her think more than anything else anyone has said to her, and she is silent for the remainder of their ride back to the Swoop. She thinks about what might have happened if she had actually married Jonathan; how she never would have been able to ride like she just has with Myles, how she never would have been able to wander from Corus or Tortall whenever she pleased.

She thinks about always being around Jonathan, and how she probably would have begun to hate him after a while. When they arrive back at the Swoop, she hugs George, kisses him, and smiles up at him. His eyes shine with relief and he hugs her, returning her kiss with not a little passion.

She is being honest when she exchanges her vows with him and laughs when they kiss amidst cheers, catcalls and laughter. And when he takes her to bed that night, a warm presence around her as he holds her, she knows that she has made the right choice.

She will love and serve the man with the bright eyes until she dies, but she will adore and return home to the man with laughter in his voice.

* * *

Prince Roald is already almost three years old when little Thom arrives into the world, and the moment she gazes down at him, a squalling pink baby whose life is in her hands, Alanna thinks she may have hysterics for one of the first times in her life.

But then George is there, one hand on her hair and the other stroking the cheek of their firstborn son. His face is shining as he gazes down at Thom, and then he looks at her and promptly bursts into laughter.

" _Stop it_ ," she says, cursing inwardly as she feels her cheeks begin to heat, and ducks her face.

He tilts her face up and kisses her gently, a mere brushing of lips, and smiles, telling her that it'll be all right.

And it is - even if, at age six, Thom gives her a mirror with roses painted on the back of it.

She tells herself that he will learn, and he does that as well.

* * *

Motherhood changes them both, though really Thayet only changes in that she is more blatantly protective over her children, like a lioness. The comparison makes Alanna smile, though it is apt; Thayet sees no reason to hide her rage whenever her children are slighted, dismissed, or in danger, despite the fact that she can easily hide every emotion she feels when face-to-face with a noble who secretly despises her.

Alanna, however, does not change as drastically as that, mostly because she is not around her children as constantly as Thayet. Even though Tortall's queen leaves for the Riders' training camp every year, she is not as gone as frequently as Alanna is throughout the entire year, putting down this attempted rebellion and that attempted revolt, or, as the years go on, dealing with the rapid influx of immortals.

She thinks she does not miss her children, at first, but is quickly proven wrong as she grows more and more reluctant to leave them. George hides his amusement, and does not point out that he had assured her that this would happen. She eventually realises that she had changed right from the beginning.

As a result of her infrequent absences, George does most of the upbringing, though he tells her dryly that there is no greater excitement than when Mother is to return home. She even thinks that they, though George in particular, seem not to have failed in their parental duty when it comes to Thom and Alan, though Alianne is another matter _entirely_.

Whenever she complains to George, not for the first time, that their only daughter seems intent on turning her grey well before her time, he only laughs and says that she is also intent on following in her mother's footsteps.

Alanna scowls and tries to throw a cushion at him, but remembers the exchange years later when Alianne's eighteenth birthday is approaching. Their daughter is not longer when them, and she has utterly surpassed her mother in her own way.

Alanna wishes she had appreciated her daughter much more when she had the chance to. Her daughter is a woman, now, in more ways than one.

* * *

The birth of Alianne's child, Alanna's first grandchild, causes Tortall's Lioness to gaze in the mirror and wonder when she became _old_. The lines and crow's feet on her face had arrived early, Alanna having chosen the difficult path through life right from the beginning, but now there is an innate weariness in her expression which seems never to shift. She suspects that realising she had built up an immunity to healing magic had been the beginning of it.

But then George is behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and kissing her cheek, and his expression seems just as weary as her, the silver in his hair just as pronounced.

"We've done well, haven't we?" she murmurs to him, thinking about how their family has grown since the day they announced their intention to the Bazhir in the desert, how their line will continue on even after their deaths.

He laughs and tells her they could have done much worse, and she huffs and punches him lightly in the arm.

* * *

The day that Alan gains his shield is one of the proudest in Alanna's life. She cannot say it is the day she has felt the most proud, for all of her children have made her proud of them so many times over that she cannot chose one moment over another.

* * *

When Thom is twenty, he arrives home with pine-green hair (George informs her that the fashion had been for sapphire-hued hair four years previous, a fad that Alianne had eagerly adopted) and declares to his parents that he has fallen in love.

Alanna stares at him like he has lost his mind, while George laughs so hard that he falls off his chair. Thom storms to his room, acting more like a child than a man close to the end of his studies.

Alanna wonders when her children will finally be old enough that they will stop causing her to feel like she is about to have hysterics.

Thankfully, Thom's hair soon returns to its natural colour, and he realises that his romance is quite unsuitable. Alanna tries to tease him about it, but Thom appears sullen and snappish, spending most of his time hiding away from the rest of them or going on long rides up and down the cliffs. It is then that Alanna voices her worries to George.

There are dark circles under her husband's eyes and he doesn't bother to hide his anxiety from her, but when she presses he tells her that he has been sworn to secrecy and will not tell her.

She knows that Thom will tell her what is wrong when he is ready to. But the fact that he has already confided in his father hurts, though she knows it shouldn't - even if Alianne, the sole daughter in their family, had also been closer to her father.

She knows that Thom will tell her what is wrong when he is ready to. Or so she hopes, at least.

* * *

Alanna knows that the years are creeping up on her when Alan returns home and announces his own engagement. The girl is of suitable birth, is no weak maiden, and is not in any way awed by the Lioness of Tortall. Alanna approves of her on sight.

Alianne has been ordered to return home for the wedding, and so Alanna will also see her grandchildren for the first time. The thought makes her more uneasy than she likes to admit, though it comforts her to realise that George has voiced similar doubts.

"They will have never met us," she frets to him at night, when he is holding her close to him. "What will they think?"

He tells her that their grandchildren will love both of them. He tells her that they will love her, and she tries her best to believe him.

* * *

Alanna returns to Corus for a brief winter visit - visiting knights from Tyra wish to try their luck against the famed King's Champion - and the duels make her ache far more than she is accustomed to. She and Jonathan avoid the subject when they talk quietly in his study over spiced midwinter wine that evening, but she can tell from his worried eyes and stiff stance that he had also noticed it.

The thought of no longer being Jonathan's Champion and Tortall's famed Lioness fills Alanna with so much fear that she can hardly bear to think about it, so she goes into the Lower City to wander and forget.

She pokes her head into the shop of Kel's old maid, now seamstress, but declines any potential orders from the eager, cheerful Lalasa when she approaches. She wanders streets once familiar to her from George's days as the Rogue and now almost alien. Buildings have burned down; almost-fashionable streets no longer are; and the thieves no longer recognise or acknowledge her, save for the ones who still distantly remember George's rule as their king.

It is here that she accidentally stumbles over Thom, and realises exactly why he is reluctant to tell her the nature of his romance.

She does not burst in upon them. She does not lose her temper. Instead, she sways, almost fainting, and quietly hurries away.

He returns to the Swoop a fortnight later, a scarce week before his sister's return, and the moment he sees her he seems to know that she has discovered his secret. His shoulders slump and he ducks his head, but not before she sees the tears beginning to well in his eyes.

She silently holds out her arms and he runs into them like he did as a child, burrowing his face into her shoulder and weeping quietly.

"It is all right," she whispers to him, rubbing his back in slow circles as she once did when he had nightmares and could not sleep. "All will be well."

She does not know if it will be, but it is what her son needs to hear.

* * *

Alanna does not bother to hide her tears and her astonishment when Alianne returns with husband and children in tow. Her daughter had become a woman - a _mother_ \- when Alanna was not there to witness it, and the reality is jarring enough from her memories that she does not know how to treat Alianne: as a daughter, a fellow mother, or now an equal?

Alianne solves the predicament by laughing and hugging her mother. "I've finally caused you to turn speechless," she says gleefully, and Alanna warns her not to be too self-assured. But when has her only daughter been anything else?

The grandchildren are awed at the beginning, but when George entices them with sweets and old sleight of hand tricks from his days as the Rogue, and then they notice Alanna's purple eyes, they creep closer and something seems to change inside them. It is as if some innate sense tells them that these people are family, are safe, and Alanna and George quickly find themselves overwhelmed.

In the midst of a familiar, almost-forgotten chaos, George leans over and whispers, "I love you, you know."

Alanna laughs, kisses his cheek, and replies, "I always knew, and I always will."

She has always had her place, the one part of her that will never, ever change: mother, wife, and lover.

**End**

 


End file.
